She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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