I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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