Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
50% drunk capacity currently
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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