So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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