How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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