I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
