I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize