If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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