I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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