Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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