one might say we're banned from that church
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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