Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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