We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
