Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize