3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
