Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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