I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
