Your mouth is God's brothel.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize