there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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