Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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