i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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