You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize