I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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