This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
