the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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