Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
