is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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