i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
