Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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