I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
