I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
