We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
