I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize