since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
