now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
