Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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