he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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