I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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