I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dicks are not precious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
