your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize