His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
