I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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