Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
