Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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