I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
