Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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