I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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