Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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