I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize