hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
