I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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