Got a toothbrush?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
