Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
