So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
