I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
