3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
