I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
