This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Two words: nipple clamps
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