Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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