alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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