she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
