And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
