So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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