can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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