i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
