why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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