just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
