so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
