I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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