I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
