Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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