I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this hospital has no fireball
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
