you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
