I just threw up on my dentist
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
