Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
