i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
