Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
