her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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