i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
