I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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