sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
