So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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